Roommates and Locked Doors
by Lyra Kamiya
Summary: A collection of crack-drabbles, set in a dorm house for the PCs. Basically a joke writing challenge that took on a life of its own. Characters updated with each chapter to reflect who the last prompt was centered around.
1. Poptarts

A/N: One of my friends is an illustrator. One night, he was over and noted me doing word wars with a friend. He offered the following challenge: "Let's do your word wars, one prompt at a time, with me drawing a sketch and you writing a drabble."

A world where the PCs live in one house and the Rivals live in another was born. A very cracky, yet somehow somewhat IC, world, filled with lots of stupidity, some sex, and with questionable levels of connections to game and manga canons.

This is a few scenes from that world. They may or may not be in chronological order. They also may or may not reference some of my other stories, as some of those "drabbles" came out as multi-chapter beasts themselves, like Indigo Christmas.

Enjoy. (And if you enjoy enough, let me know - I'm always looking for ideas for the next piece of crack.)

**Roommates and Locked Doors: Poptarts**

Silver had asked Green once why he still even pretended he lived with them, instead of with his boyfriend (and girlfriend, but Silver never mentioned her). On mornings like this, Green wondered the same thing. He got out of bed from between his two favorite faces, threw back on his pajama pants, picked Eevee up off the dresser, and wandered down to the kitchen, getting to see two hot chicks, one in short PJs and the other in a towel, along the way. And when he got to the kitchen, not only was there grape juice in the fridge still (albeit he opted for a plastic cup because he wasn't sure which dishes were clean most mornings), but in the cupboard there was a box of his favorite poptarts, completely untouched.

"..."

Except the only box inside was strawberry, which was all well and good but wasn't brown sugar, and didn't explain where the box he'd brought with him the morning before had gone, either.

He knew Leaf liked them too, so maybe she'd eaten some. But his name was *very clearly* on the box, so no one else would have dared.

He sniffed the air, noticing the familiar scent suddenly.

He looked at the toaster.

And Ethan standing in front of it.

It popped up and Ethan took out two poptarts, wrapping them in a paper towel and taking a big bite out of them, then blowing hard to vent the heat from his mouth.

That smell. Those poptarts weren't Ethan's usual strawberry... they were brown sugar.

Green stared at him for a moment, then pointed.

"Eevee, Shadow Ball!" he commanded, the shout of which caused Ethan to spin around and freeze.

The ball of dark energy struck the younger boy in the face, causing him to stagger back, then nearly choke as he forgot to continue chewing the pastry in his mouth.

"Now go get my poptarts back from that bastard."

Ethan dropped them on the counter and ran as fifteen inches of fluffy brown fox charged at him, teeth bared.

Eevee twitched his tail happily, grabbing the poptarts and trotting them back to his master, who broke off the bitten-from part and passed it to him as a reward.

This was why he didn't live here full time. Because back home, no one ate his poptarts.


	2. Egg Crack

**Roommates and Locked Doors: Egg Crack**

"I seriously haven't seen Eevee anywhere since last night," Green grumbled to Red, who seemed far more concerned with the contents of the fridge. "Have you?"

"Maybe you locked him out of the room on accident and he's hiding again?" Leaf offered.

"No, he can open that door if he really cares, we all know that. I couldn't find him when we went to bed, either."

Red stared at him for a second and sighed, then looked at Pikachu, who nodded, sniffed the air, and bounded off out of the kitchen.

"Right. Great idea," Green agreed, trotting off after the yellow rat. Red took a bite out of an apple he'd found, closed the fridge, and followed after, with Leaf in tow, giggling about how that solution had been way too easy for Green not to come up with.

They arrived outside to find him on his hands and knees, peering under the porch with a confused expression. The two glanced at each other and shrugged, ducking down to get a look for themselves.

Eevee, and now Pikachu, were nestled underneath the wooden porch... with an egg. From their new angle, the other two quickly realized that Green's expression was not one of confusion... but complete and total horror.

He'd, naturally, come to the most logical conclusion he could in such a scenario, as he watched his Eevee nuzzle his cheek to Red's Pikachu's. "You're a girl?" he shouted, staring at his partner of many years. Eevee blinked and yipped back at him. He sat up and stared into space for a moment, then at his lovers.

"Did you know?" he demanded of Red, who sighed at him with an otherwise blank expression.

"Did you know?" he turned to Leaf instead, whose eyes were shining in that way that girls' do about babies and other cute things, and she simply squealed.

"My whole life has been a lie!" he cried, sitting lifelessly on the lawn, until Eevee very carefully crawled out from under the porch. "I'm... I'm so sorry buddy," he said, extending a hand to pet his pokemon. "I've been holding you to my own expectations all this time... I never stopped to think you might be a girl... Or that you might want a family..."

Pikachu came crawling out from the porch next, scooting the egg out with him carefully, sniffing it, then dashing over to climb back on Red's shoulder. He surveyed the rest of the scene nervously for a second as his trainer sighed again.

"I'm going to be an auntie!" Leaf squeaked suddenly, clapping her hands together.

"I guess it only makes sense though... You and him... me and him..." Green lulled, scratching his rather oblivious seeming Eevee behind the ears.

Red stared at them, then the egg, and shook his head, walking off in what could only be taken as disgust.

It was just the start of a long and bumpy week.

Green went home that afternoon, just for a few hours, and came back with a small suitcase filled with clothes, and a shopping bag with bottles and formula. Red had picked up the bag upon his return and looked through it, while Leaf set about re-arranging Red's dresser to fit Green's things in one drawer. The black-haired boy walked over and stopped her, pushing the suitcase under the bed with one foot instead. He then returned to Green, who was carefully lining a small box with blankets and setting the egg inside. He looked at him, at the bag of formula, at the pink egg, and finally at Eevee.

Green followed the pattern, eyes going wide as both of their stares landed back on the bag.

"Right!" he spouted. "Damn, I'm a moron. We won't need formula, the mother's here."

Red stared at him for a minute and thrust the bag back into his hand, shaking his head as he left the room, Pikachu at his heels.

"I know, Red!" Green hollered down the hall behind him, "It's been hard for me to deal with this, too! But we've got to stick together on this."

He receded down the stairs without a word.

Leaf sighed from her seat on the bed, squeezing her Jigglypuff slightly. "Oh Puff, why do boys have to be so weird about these things?"

A week later the waiting part of the ordeal was nearly over, with whoever was in the egg making soft noises, which Pikachu had taken it upon himself to answer – by apparently telling long stories to it, from the sounds of how he was going on, tapping the egg occasionally with one paw.

They'd brought the egg and its shallow box down to the living room as soon as it had started jiggling, wanting everyone to be able to see. The boys had mostly wandered back out of the room after the first uneventful half hour, asking to be called back once the "ball of fluff" was actually born. The girls on the other hand had stayed, and little was cuter than a newborn Eevee... and they all had their own opinions on what the baby should be named, of course.

Just as even some of the girls were starting to fall asleep on the couches, the egg finally started to crack. Eevee and Puff both ran over to join Pikachu next to it, their trainers crouched nearby with varying degrees of interest and anticipation.

There was an audible silence as the egg split open... and a pale, almost white, foot came out. Followed by a similar hand.

"Uh..." one of the girls said from behind Leaf, "I don't think that's an Eevee."

The Igglybuff finished making its way out of the shell, Pikachu using his tail to push the shell away afterwords, and looked around, stunned, with its big green eyes.

Everyone looked at Green, who looked as though his eyes might fall out of his face from shock. "Eevee... You've been cheating on Pikachu?" he shouted, watching the elastic baby as it toddled unsteadily.

Red's gloved palm collided with the side of Green's head with a rather painful THWACK. Green winced and was about to demand what the hell his boyfriend's problem was, but the answer was already waiting in the form of a pointed finger.

Toward where Puff was kissing Pikachu on the cheek, who in turn was patting the newborn on the head cheerfully.

Leaf was immediately thrilled, of course; coos of how happy she was for the pair and how cute their baby was floated from her, as she and Red crouched beside their pokemon and congratulated them.

Eevee licked Green's cheek sympathetically. It was a shock, for sure, but he'd get over it... After all, Eevee had managed to get over it a week before, when he'd been asked to babysit.


	3. Breakfast with Bob

A/N: This deserves the clarification that I have substituted the names "Blake" and "Winnie" for Black and White for the time being... because I wanted to write them but couldn't take their color names seriously.

"'Morning Red!"

He grunted in response, not really looking up from his cereal as Blake plodded into the kitchen.

"Grape Nuts again?" he observed, the cupboard squeaking as he swung it open. "You eat the same thing every morning, don't you?"

Red looked up at his roommate, who was raiding the cabinets in not but a pale blue set of boxers and his baseball cap. It was a sight which made him sigh and look back to his food, scooping another bite.

"Guess I can't really say much though. It's always poptarts for me." He held the box above his head, victorious, and trotted over to the toaster.

Red looked up, wondering passively what flavor he was eating today. Green liked poptarts, and it would keep him from having to buy more for him if they were a decent flavor.

As Blake spun back around from the toaster, it was not pastries that caught Red's eye. No. It was an extra visitor, one he didn't need to see this early in the morning.

He wandered over the table and leaned over it near Red, digging through the pile of newspapers, bringing his problem obnoxiously close.

At this stage, Blake's halfmast morning wood was bobbing, thankfully covered but still apparent, just a couple of feet from Red's hands and thus cereal. He cringed and pulled his cereal closer to him, tilting his head to try and keep his hat in the way of the awful sight.

It wasn't working very well.

"You okay?" he asked, watching his roommate recoil, oblivious to the source of his terror. Red simply nodded stiffly. "If you say so."

He shrugged and leaned back up off the table, tossing the comic section he'd retrieved onto the other side of the table. Just as he started to turn miserably back into view, the toaster popped and he turned back to it, leaving Red to sigh in relief.

A moment later, the fridge opened. "Oh good, we've got OJ again. You want some, Red?"

He shook his head, not looking up.

"Well, I'm having some OJ. Maybe that's why you're not feeling well though. You probably need more fruit. I only ever see you eat... well, breakfast, now that I think about it."

Red didn't want to think about it. He wanted to eat his breakfast faster and get out of the room, but he was losing his appetite with every bob.

"Oh good god man!" came Ethan's voice from behind the kitchen table, and Red thought his savior had come. "I just bought that OJ, don't drink it all before I even get any!"

He doubted Ethan was as shameless or clueless, but looking up and seeing another of his roommates shirtless was more than enough for Red for the morning, who quickly got up, shuffled over to the sink, cleaned his dishes, and strode out of the room, all before the other boys had finished arguing about who drank the whole carton last time.

"Dude, what's his problem."

"I don't know. Guess he's just too good for us," Blake chuckled. "Just means more poptarts for us!"

"Is that, strawberry? I love you man."


	4. Romantic Comedy Thursdays

Most likely, Romantic Comedy Thursdays had been Wally's idea. Anything cavity inducing or of questionable sexuality tended to be his doing. Its existence and its origins were not the surprising parts.

Its high attendance was, prompting Silver to suggest rather loudly that they move their "squishy love-fest" to their guests' house from now on, instead of trying to fit their whole household, and half the other, into their smaller living room.

Barry had informed him quite pointedly that love was a blessing and should be allowed to be wherever it wanted to be. Silver had briefly tried to make the same argument about his Feraligatr, then, satisfied his actual point had been made, gone back to cooking dinner. His own dinner. Which just happened to take most of the movie to do, from the kitchen that just happened to have a clear view of the TV.

Dawn, May, and Lyra had chosen to sit right in front of the TV, on the floor, mostly because it was the only spot left big enough for all three of them to freely squeal and hug one another at the cute parts. Not that May did that sort of thing, of course.

Brendan came along, but *only* so he wouldn't be bored at home.

Barry had the armchair to himself, where he sat frowning every time someone cursed, and blushing more and more as the movie came to a close. He'd only agreed to watch this week because they'd chosen a PG rated flick, but even it seemed a little strong for the boy's reserved tastes.

Wally looked like he was having a similar reaction, but minus the complaints. This was purely appearances, however, as the real reason for his blushing was the increasingly amorous couple next to him.

By the end of the movie, Blake and Winnie had gone from casually sitting beside each other on the couch they were sharing with Wally, to his arm around her waist, to her on his lap, to their eventual final resting place: them tangled around each other, her vest discarded, tongues getting a fantastic work out, and the movie otherwise totally forgotten.

Their shameless display had not gone unnoticed by the others, though it was only two much for one spazzy blonde resident.

"That is completely inappropriate! Kissing is one thing, but all of this activity should really be saved for marriage!" Barry had jumped up from his seat and was pointing his finger accusingly at the oldest two out of the friends.

From then on, Romantic Comedy Thursdays had, indeed, been moved to the other house, though no one was sure space was the reason.


	5. Sheets

"He's still not up? But we need to get going!"

Red looked up from his cereal and crunched it louder, as if to say, "you're not talking about me, I assume." He was definitely trying to remind the other boys of how he'd been woken up earlier.

"Hey man, leave me alone," Brendan shot, putting his hands up in the air. "I had nothing to do with it." Red went back to his cereal, face shadowed by his hat.

"Lucas never sleeps in like this. Maybe he's sick?"

"He was fine last night," Brendan snorted, shaking his head. "He was just up really late on his computer. The light was keeping me up."

"Revenge?" Ethan offered.

"...Duh?"

Blake shook his head. "You guys go right ahead, I have a bad feeling about this."

Brendan chuckled and darted back up the stairs, throwing open the door to the room he shared with Lucas, Ethan barging in behind him and pulling the blinds up. "Rise and shine, pretty boy!" he threw his roommate's cap at him, waking him between that and the past-noon light pouring in.

"Gah, what's going on?" he groaned, pushing the hat off his face and rubbing his eyes in one motion.

"We're gonna be late to a movie because of you!"

"Huh? Oh... oh right. Movie. I'll um..." he looked around, seeing that both the guys were there and that Blake had, by now, arrived at his door and was leaning against the frame.

"I'll be down in a minute, really. Just close the door."

"We're all dudes here, it's cool," Brendan chuckled, causing Ethan to glare at him, fuming, and hold up Typhlosion's pokeball.

"Don't think I won't. I have seen enough dick today-"

"Jealous," Blake coughed into his hand.

"So I'm gonna go ahead and leave the room, you guys have fun with that."

"Pssh," Brendan snorted, waving his friend off before diving at Lucas's arm, pulling on it. "No man, you're coming now so that I know you're awake." Having shared a room with the guy for some time now, he was confident his equally fashionable roommate at least had his stupid shorts on, and pulled at him accordingly, trying to pull him out of bed or his arm from his shoulder socket, whichever came out first.

"I'm awake, okay? I'll be down in a minute, don't worry-"

"Oooo!" Winnie chirped from the hall. "Are we abusing the pretty boys?"

"No!" Lucas and Brendan shouted at once.

"Be my guest," Blake welcomed, waving his hands into the room. Brendan started to wheel out of the way, before it occurred to him that the slightly older girl was probably as strong as him and could help him out.

"Grab the other arm."

"I'll get both arms," she corrected. "You grab the legs."

The sheets started to slip as Lucas struggled to get away from their grips before they could get hold.

"I'm out!" Ethan shouted, darting by, Blake leaning out of the way.

"One, two-"

"Nooo!"

"Three!"

They both dragged him sideways at once, lifting him out of bed and pulling his naked ass free from the sheets, but not from all cover-

There was a green and white bandana, slightly damp looking, wrapped around his limp member and wedged slightly between his legs. Brendan screamed rather girlishly and let go of his roommate's hands as fast as he could, shaking them like they were dirty.

"Oh-oh god man."

He started for the door, meaning to wash his hands, but then realized what exactly that green thing had been.

"Oh DAMN'T man. May's? Did you-"

Lucas was busy laying on the floor and rubbing his head, moaning from pain since it had slammed rather firmly into the ground. Winnie was, naturally, laughing so hard she was holding her stomach as she watching him write around, earning a middle finger in the air at her from the injured boy.

"You stole it, didn't you? That's mine, you dick!" Brendan was shouting now, slamming his fist into the wall. "You got that from my drawer!"

"Whoa, whoa, waaay too much information," Blake interrupted, eyeing Brendan's bed suspiciously.

"Like you can talk!" Ethan shouted from somewhere down the hall.

"I want that back! No, I want it washed, then I want it back, so I can give it a proper funeral!"

"OUT!" Lucas shouted, kicking feebly at White's booted feet, grabbing for the sheets. "NOW!"


	6. RedSama Couch Pile

The natural counter to Romantic Comedy Thursdays had, of course, been Action Movie Mondays. And Tuesdays. And Fridays. And any other day that Ethan had downloaded something new to watch.

R Rated Teen Movie Saturdays had been Winnie's contribution, one which was supported whole-heartedly by May, Brendan, Dawn, Blake, and to everyone's shock, Wally.

He blushed his way through the whole movie every time, but slowly everyone was starting to suspect that was part of the point.

The war of the movie nights died off after a few weeks, leaving only the original, and the occasional one Red picked out. Whether because of or in spite of the variety they'd been exposed to over the last couple of months, calling his taste eclectic was an understatement.

Tonight's pick had been sweet, but overall boring, and only he and Green were still awake with at least half the film remaining. The two were sitting side by side, with Leaf limp on Green's lap, her head resting between their shoulders as she snored quietly. Red had let his head rest on hers, earning a tease from his boyfriend that he'd only chosen the movie for cuddling purposes.

That might have been true, as at some point, Lyra had plopped down on the couch opposite his significant others, nuzzling into his side where she, too, had fallen asleep within the last few minutes. She might have chosen to get up and escape instead, except Dawn – always cuddly and still unattached, in of itself a miracle in their group of friends – had chosen her lap for a pillow, and was asleep on the couch now, boots discarded on the seat, much to Green's frustration. ("How hard is it to keep your feet off the furniture, really?" he'd complained, trying to reach across to remove them, but Leaf whined and pushed him back into place before he could reach far.)

Ethan had walked out on the group just a few minutes into the movie, the as soon as he'd realized it was one of those things you might learn a lesson from. He wandered past now, muttering something about wondering how they could keep watching such a boring flick. He made it only halfway to the kitchen before noticing the little pile of people, with Red in the middle, inhabiting the couch.

"Aww, I want in on the love-fest!" he said, his voice dripping with sugar and sarcasm. He dashed over to them, blocking the view of the TV as he sat carefully on Red's knee, hands crossed in his lap, and fluttered his eyelashes, earning a groan from Green behind him.

"We're watching. Save your jealousy for later," he grumbled, and Ethan gave him the fakest pouty lip he could manage, barely keeping from cracking a grin.

"But I want in on the Red-sama worshipping club too," he declared, leaning into an unoccupied part of the champion's chest.

As Green's eye twitched, his urge to just let Leaf be woken up in order to shove Ethan out of the room growing, Red simply looked at the guy on his lap and nodded appreciatively.

Green looked even less amused.

Red shrugged as much as he could with a girl on each shoulder, nodding his head toward each of the five people draped across him, a wide grin spreading across his face.

What happened next would wake up the girls, and give at least Ethan, if not them all, nightmares for the rest of the week.

Red opened his mouth and spoke a single word, for the first time most of them could remember, snapping his fingers.

"Giggity."


	7. Locked Doors

This is one of the dumber ones, but is also one of the originals that started the entire thing.

...

"Oh, hey Ethan. What're you doing in the bathroom?"

"Taking a shower! What the fuck Blake?"

Ethan was not used to roommates. Not at all. Travelling, sure. Communal showers, sure, that was just life on the road at Pokemon Centers. Roommates and having to lock the door? Not at all.

So now he was sticking his head out the shower curtain, freaking out at one of his new, hopefully temporary, roommates, who had decided it was appropriate to come take a leak while he was showering.

"What, it's not a big deal. I won't flush on you, man."

"That's not the point! The point is that you just... whip that out with another guy in the room!"

"Oh. Well, aren't you naked over there too? See, curtain between us. No big deal."

Ethan fumed for a moment and hid back behind the curtain again, shoving his head beneath the faucet and trying to drown out the sound of Blake still peeing.

"No sense of shame!" he screamed suddenly, slamming his forehead into tile.

The door creaked open and Red's head poked in quietly, eyes narrowed at them both so that Ethan could feel his rage through the curtain.

"Oh. I think we woke him up."

He hit his head again.


	8. Revenge, Thy Name is Hat

Yes, there's a lot of semi-dirtiness in some of these. No, that's not your imagination, at all. From here on out, there are pieces missing from the story, in a way, because they're just plain too hot for . They're also entirely NOT necessary to get or enjoy the story - so if you're not into that stuff, don't worry about it. If you are, there's a link to my AFF account in my profile. Everything there except "Soap" is considered canon to this universe.

This is also the eventual follow-up to Sheets.

...

There were several things that disturbed Brendan when he thought about finding Lucas that morning, and his nudity was not the first of them (though it was still on the list). The biggest issue, that nothing could even compare to in terms of offensiveness, was that he'd apparently been jacking off to thoughts of May, who was most definitely *his* girlfriend, not Lucas's, last he'd checked. Following that was that he'd actually used an article of her clothing to do so, nevermind that it was one Brendan had stolen himself ages before. Somewhere mixed in with point two was point three, that the bandana hadn't been washed since the last time Brendan had used it for the same, so that meant all sorts of nasty implications that made him uncomfortable to consider, that were summed up by him screaming "Gay!" at Lucas suddenly over dinner. Then there was the fact he'd stolen it from him to begin with, which meant he'd gone through his drawers, and who knew what else he'd found in there.

A little part of him also wanted to be offended that Lucas had clearly been jacking off while he was in the room, though likely sleeping, but he'd been guilty of that enough that he left that off the list. He'd make sure to bring it up the next time he needed to insult his roommate, though.

All these items of rage, along with a hint of sadness at a "friend" lost, were tumbling through Brendan's mind as he crouched in the back yard, carefully holding one corner of the bandana he'd just had Numel set on fire. As the flames came closer to his hand, he let it fall to the ground, watching it burn into shreds.

"What was that all about?" Ethan asked as he walked in the back door. "Burning the gloves you touched Lucas with?"

He laughed falsely. "No, but I might have to, now that you made me think about it. I don't want to talk about it." He didn't. He just wanted to go tackle his girlfriend, remind himself that she was his and Lucas wasn't going to touch her, and steal another bandana.

Ethan, meanwhile, laughed, knowing exactly what it must have been just from the awkwardness in her friend's voice. "Yeah... Part of me thinks that he was punished enough for that bullshit just by having his junk seen by half the apartment." Brendan looked at him with an eyebrow raised, wondering what his point was, as he didn't know "enough" was in Ethan's vocabulary. "Thing is though... I think you deserve any scrap of revenge you can think of, dude."

"Revenge, huh?"

He knew how well that had turned out last time, but wasn't above evening the odds, not by any means.

His plan took a few days of preparation to do right, though they were certainly difficult days as a result. But finally the night came for his plans to come to fruition, and he stole his roommate's hat as he slept, sneaking off to the closet with it, then leaving to spend the night in May's room.

Lucas woke up the next morning to find Brendan absent, but he wasn't surprised, since it'd been a few days since he'd been to May's room or kicked him out to use theirs. He sat up and went about his morning, carefully styling his hair and straightening his clothes before heading down to breakfast.

The finishing touch, of course, was his trademark hat, which he put on without even glancing at.

It was a mistake he'd never make again.

At first he just wondered why his hat felt heavier than normal on his hair, but he figured it just meant he needed a haircut. Soon, though, he realized there was a wetness to his scalp, dripping down the side of his head and forehead, despite his hair being completely dry last he'd checked.

A salty scent caught his nose, and he cringed for a moment, then his eyes started to tear as he started to understand. He was terrified to take off his hat and actually be sure, instead marching straight back to the bathroom for another shower, crying silently in distress.


	9. Belle of the Mall

There was something horrendously familiar about the voice coming from the other side of the diner. Behind the disgustingly fake French accent, neither Cheren nor Silver could shake the feeling that they knew the waitress, even though they were sure they'd never met her, and it was making their respective lunches impossible to enjoy.

In reality neither of the boys could stand each other to begin with, but they shared lunch once a week anyway based on the sole shared interest of "getting the fuck away from the noisy bastards at their house". Which of course mostly meant Barry and any of their friends that had wandered over. And now their peaceful lunch, the one time each week where they were willing to put aside their differences and just plain not talk, period, for the sake of some quiet time, was being blasted wide open by the bimbo apologizing repeatedly a few booths over.

Cheren caught sight of her first, his face falling instantly. "Silver," he started, and the redhead held his hand up.

"No. She's bad enough, I don't need to hear you talking too."

He shook his head and sighed. "I know, asshole. But you should really see this."

Silver put enough effort behind the sigh that followed to make it *very* clear to Cheren that he did not appreciate any of this, then turned to look anyway. When he turned back, he sank very low in his seat and covered his forehead with his palm. "Was that..."

"Yes, it was."

"...Barry in a dress?"

"What? No." Cheren stared at him with concern, craning his head to see the girl's face as she came toward them, heading for the kitchen. "Way too cute to be that fruit. Same hair, though."

Silver rubbed his forehead harder, hoping that he could massage out all memory that his roommate had even vaguely used the term "cute" in reference to Barry. "What's your point? Finish talking quickly?"

"Doesn't Barry have a sister?"

"Barry's French now?"

"No, and neither is she. She's been faking that stupid accent. It's a theme restaurant, if you hadn't noticed."

"I come here to eat. And to avoid Barry. And avoid talking about Barry. I don't worry about the décor beyond being sure it's not on fire." Silver emphasized his point by returning to his food, and Cheren cleared his throat and pushed up his glasses, choosing to pretend the conversation hadn't happened to begin with.

Until she tripped at the next table, leaving several drinks on the ground and him with a perfect view up her overly-fluffy skirt. He spent the moment trying very hard not to look like he was staring at her petticoats, trying instead to look very interested in the desert menu perched at the edge of the desk. Silver, meanwhile, sighed again at the blush forming on his roommate's face and hopped up, going over to check on things. He didn't particularly care if she was alright, but the crash sounded like glasses might have broken, and no one else deserved to be injured over one stupid girl's clumsiness.

"Oh, monsieur, I am so so-ree..."

"You keep that stupid accent up even when you're injured? How do you ever get anything done?" He shook his head and grabbed her tray, placing it on the empty table and glancing at the cups lining the ground; none seemed broken, but it was better safe than sorry. "You should get a mop," he commanded, picking up the glasses as well.

She sputtered another apology, tears streaming down her face, and dashed off to the kitchen, though not without slipping on the spill along the way.

Silver was scowling when he sat back down, half grateful the clutz wasn't their waitress and half considering never coming back to that diner again anyway. Cheren, on the other hand, had a smirk across his face, which only made him more annoyed on sight.

"Look at you. You do care."

"About possible injury liability suits? Yeah. This place doesn't suck enough to deserve court fees over that idiot."

Cheren just chuckled and returned to his food, though he watched through one eye for the cute-but-stupid waitress to walk by again.

A few minutes of mopping and scurrying later, she stopped by their table. "Monsieur," she began, holding something nervously to her chest and addressing Silver.

He answered with an annoyed deadpan instead of a question: "What."

"I-I... wanted to say, zank you, for ze help before-"

"Uh-huh."

"Please. Take zis. It is a cue-pon, for whatever monsieur would like from our di-ner." She held out her hands, offering him a card with the restaurant's logo on it and something to the effect of "customer appreciation coupon" below. He looked at it, scowled slightly, then glanced back up at her.

"Can I use it to have you never call me 'monsieur' again?"

"Huh?" She blinked, holding one hand back to her chest in surprise. "Ah... oui! You..." she stared for a moment at his blank expression, then coughed lightly, trying to get out of "work mode". "Yes. You can use it for that... but I can do that anyway. You should use that for a free entree or something instead."

Her regular voice was slightly less obnoxious, and made her stop scrunching her nose every time she said a vowel, but it still carried something on it that made him just *know* this was Barry's sister. "You have a kid brother?" he asked, still not taking the coupon.

She looked puzzled. "Yes, I do. He's a pokemon trainer. Why... Do you know him?"

Cheren spoke up, plucking the card from her hand. "Yes, we do. And I think I met you once before as well, though it might have been a dream." He flashed a small smile, and for a moment she just looked between the two boys, as puzzled as ever.

She studied Silver's long red hair and his scowl... then Cheren's very private school attire and glasses... and it suddenly dawned on her.

"Merci-" she caught herself before work mode kicked back in, and cleared her throat. "Oh my. You're his roommates, aren't you? Oh goodness, Barry's told me so much about you all." Suddenly her face, a mess of nervousness the whole evening, cracked a large grin and she giggled. "I'm Belle! So good to meet you! You're treating him well, then?"

The two looked at each other for a moment, and Silver sat back in his chair as Cheren took the stage. "Oh, yes, of course. He's just a riot. And so tidy." His words were spoke through a clenched jaw but he managed to maintain his smile the whole time.

"That is so sweet of you. I know he can be a little overzealous sometimes, but that's just the way God made him." Her grin got wider still and she tilted her head in a way that even Silver had to admit was a little cute... the same way a curious Wooper was cute, which was in a vague, more humorous than endearing sense. Cheren, meanwhile, was trying even harder to keep the smile upon the sudden revelation that she was just as religious as her pent-up brother was, mentally watching his chances of getting laid tweet away out the window. "I'm so glad he has such good roommates."

"We try," Silver mumbled, and she laughed again, reaching down to grab his hand between hers.

He cringed and tried to pull back, but her grip was too strong, and her head was bowed too far for her to notice his annoyed face. "It really, really means a lot though. I'm glad he's safe somewhere." She let go and stood back up, grinning broadly, and Silver grabbed his napkin from his lap to start wiping his hand off. "Oh, I know!" she chirped, "Maybe I can come over and visit you boys? This weekend? I promise I won't take up much room – it's just hard to know my little brother's so close by and I barely get to see him, unless he comes by the diner."

Silver opened his mouth to protest, but didn't manage to before she clapped her hands and cheered. "Oh thank you. I'll go call him and make plans, right away!"

As she skipped away, Cheren leaned slightly out of the booth to watch her receding backside, then turned back to his roommate. "Man, you are smooth."

"And you," Silver grumbled, no longer in the mood to finish his lunch, between miss sunshine-and-broken-dishes Belle and the discovery his bunkmate was a letch, "are disgusting."


	10. Dirty Laundry

"He did what to your hat?"

"He... oh damn't Dawn, it was all over my hair, and my gel wasn't even dry yet... it was gross..."

Lucas was putting up quite the valiant effort not to cry as he sat next to Dawn at the kitchen table, the dryer rumbling behind them. His hat, favorite of all his possessions, had been violated by his roommate just hours before, and had been through the wash twice since.

"I just don't get why he'd even do that to begin with," Dawn sighed, stroking her boyfriend's newly cut hair. He'd decided that washing wasn't enough and had made her cut about half the length out after he'd scrubbed it, meaning his hair was shorter at the moment than she'd ever seen before.

Lucas froze momentarily; he was pretty sure why Brendan had done such a thing, and it wasn't exactly something he could tell Dawn. "I don't know," he said after a moment. "Maybe he just... doesn't want me as his roommate anymore."

Dawn crossed her arms, frowning sympathetically. "Well if he has a problem with you, he should be mature enough to talk to you about it, instead of just..." she waved her arms exaggeratively, "all over your stuff."

"All over my hat."

She stroked his hair and then kissed him on the cheek. "You know what? I think I'm gonna go talk to him."

"Yeah, maybe you- wait, what?" Lucas seemed to snap out of his daze for a moment, the water shocked out of his eyes.

"Yeah. I'm gonna go talk to him. You're in no shape to, and no offense sweetie but you're kind of a pushover anyway." She kissed him on the forehead as she stood up. "I'll get this sorted out, and see if we can come to some kind of an agreement, and if not, we'll talk to Blake and Ethan and see which one of them wants to switch with you."

Lucas wanted to protest, but her intentions were too sweet, and it'd be hard to protest without her suspecting he knew the reason. The best thing he could do was follow her and hope for the best.

They trotted up the stairs and arrived at the boys' shared room, where Dawn dutifully knocked on the door. There was a loud groan from inside the room, followed by "What?", and so she pushed the door open.

Brendan was sitting on his bed shirtless, next to May who was frantically trying to straighten out her own shirt. Dawn blushed at the sight, then steeled herself, even as Brendan drawled, "Make it fast Lucas, I'm kind of busy."

He looked up when he noticed a flash of pink, and saw Dawn waiting at the door, tapping her foot and staring at him. "Your busy can wait until after we sort things out. I highly doubt you're that needy right now anyway, all things considered."

Everyone gasped at what she'd said, but each for their own reason. Lucas and Brendan were both surprised she'd insinuate the morning's incident so directly, or make the sexual connection so loudly; May was just shocked anything was going on that Dawn would be bold enough to interrupt the obvious for.

The meaning of the words hit her a second later, and she grabbed his shoulder. "What the hell's she talking about?"

"I, uh..." Brendan blinked, glancing first at his girlfriend, then the girl staring him down, then his roommate and his new horrible crew cut. "He started it!" he shouted, pointing straight at Lucas.

"Started what?" May demanded, rolling her eyes. Now was the perfect time to assume that whatever this was, it was dumb.

"How could he of?" Dawn said at the same time, dumbfounded that Brendan would stoop to such a childish retort.

Lucas stepped up to defend himself too. "As if I'd ever be awful enough to do that to someone's hat."

Brendan laughed so hard May thought he was going to fall off the bed. "Hat, no, but close enough. You have no shame, do you? Coming after me when I was only getting revenge?"

By now May had gotten "did something awful to a hat" out of the conversation, and her image was worse than the reality. "Ewwww! Brendan how could you?" she demanded, pushing him away with her foot and covering her nose.

He stared at her expression, then held his hands up in his defense. "No, no, not that. I only came in his hat."

"Like that's better?" Lucas demanded, quickly stepping behind the door so he wouldn't have to see Dawn's face about all of this, and to make his exit quicker. A peek down the hall revealed that everyone else on the floor was now standing in their doorways, wondering what was going on, and he cursed under his breath.

"Kind of? Hell if I know, it was just an eye for an eye." He was busy being kicked further away by May, who was disgusted but also now trying very hard not to laugh as the reason behind Lucas's haircut and hour of crying in the bathroom became clear.

Dawn spun around and grabbed her boyfriend's wrist, not willing to let him escape. Blake was now between him and the stairs though, so escape was unlikely anyway. "You..." she shook her head suggestively, still unable to actually say the word, "in his hat?" she demanded, not sure if she should be confused or offended.

"No!" he panicked, glancing between her and the others, where now Brendan was starting to laugh too. "Not his!"

"Whose?"

"You've got a hat fetish now?" Blake joked, making sure everyone in the room could hear him.

"No! I..." he looked at Dawn, then closed his eyes, unable to actually say the truth.

"It was hers," Brendan said, motioning at May. Sure, he'd have hell to pay later for having stolen her bandanna to begin with, but at the moment, it was worth the thrashing Lucas was about to get.

"Mine?"

"Hers?"

The girls shrieked at exactly the same time, and then something unexpected happened. Yes, Dawn still shoved Lucas and glared at him in that way only she could, the one that made everyone feel like they'd just killed her Prinplup, but then she and May suddenly lunged for one another.

"You tramp!" Dawn shouted, storming toward the bed. "You stay away from my boyfriend!"

"I didn't go near him," May snapped back, jumping up from beneath the covers and pushing Dawn back before she got any closer to the bed. Lucas blushed and tried to look away when he realized the other girl was already pantsless, wearing a thong instead.

"Then what was he doing with your bandanna?" She tried to grab at one of the wrists as she was pushed back and missed.

May chuckled, holding up one fist. "I don't know, but maybe if you weren't such a prude he wouldn't be thinking about other girls!" She swung, Dawn barely managing to avoid getting decked and swinging back, though her style was all nails.

"I thought we had that fight already, or are you such a slut you'd forget so quickly?" Her nails landed across the older girl's forearm, causing her to hiss in pain.

"Well sorry for thinking you learned something!"

"What are they talking about?" Lucas questioned the hallway, growing increasingly confused and distressed by the fight even as he rubbed his bruised chest. Ethan and Blake both shrugged, the latter of which while making popcorn eating motions and craning his neck for a better look into the room – two girls fighting, one of them half-naked, was a show he wasn't going to miss. Winnie gave a chuckle and reached over to "steal" some of the "popcorn", blatantly ignoring the question.

The fight had backed Dawn up to the wall, where she was baring her teeth, hands still held in a claw shape as May held her by the wrists and continued to bitch her out. "Grow up already, Dawn! Learn to think things through and maybe you wouldn't get yourself into these situations!"

"You know allll about situations, don't you?" she spat back, growling.

"Meow! Cat fight!" Blake cheered from the hall, pushing his imaginary popcorn into Winnie's arms so he could clap. Ethan laughed at the jeering, adding his own hoot:

"Kill her! Wait, no, kiss her!"

May was about to start in on another tongue lashing when the holler reached her, and in that one instant, the color drained from her face, only to be replaced a few seconds of holding Dawn later by a steep blush.

In one motion she let go of the younger girl and made it out the door, slugging Ethan in the chest before vanishing down the stairs in a gallop.

"What the hell just happened?" Ethan demanded, holding his hand to the now sore spot. "Did I just get decked by a girl?"

"'Decking' is only in the face," Blake corrected him, looking down the stairs then wincing as the back door slammed. "I think what you just got is 'told'."

Lucas looked up to Brendan and tried to open his mouth to ask if he knew what had happened, but before he could, Dawn had shown back up in his face and was sobbing her eyes out. He sighed, knowing he'd fucked up big time, and wrapped his arms around the crying girl, making a time out sign at his roommate behind her back.

"Truce?" he mouthed, then kissed her temple.

Brendan nodded, flopping back over on his bed and pulling his discarded shirt over his face. This was not the evening he'd expected at all.


	11. Pitching

**A/N:** There were TWO new chapters uploaded today! Don't miss the other one! (I tend to upload in pairs, sorry!)

* * *

"So what's the deal with Green and Red, anyway?"

Lyra glanced up from the pan she was stirring, her eyebrows disappearing behind her hat at the question.

"What do you mean?"

Cheren took a bite out of another carrot, then leaned his elbows on the kitchen island. "I mean their relationship. You live with Red, so I'm guessing you see more than I do. I just see what Green lets us see, which includes him being over here more nights than he's at the house he's paying for."

She shrugged. "What's to know? They're together, along with Leaf. It's been that way forever."

It was Cheren's turn to raise his brow, and he took the time to finish his carrot before finally responding again. "So that's official, and not just some sort of friendship?"

"It's definitely some sort of friendship," she answered, plopping the lid on her pan and turning to face him. "But they're together. I thought that much was obvious."

"Well..." he thought about that for another few seconds, pushing up his glasses. "Frankly, it's not. It seems that way, I'll admit, but a relationship like that isn't something most people would just assume."

"You mean that there's three of them all together?"

"That, too."

She blinked, then "Ohhh"'d in understanding. "You mean that most people wouldn't think the champion or a gym leader are bisexual."

"That's probably not the word I would have picked for it, but..." He frowned, and, deciding the matter merited more consideration, took another carrot from the tray on the counter. "But I guess that makes sense, with Leaf involved too... Though her involvement seems... Peripheral."

"Just because she doesn't come over there often doesn't mean she's not involved. She's just not as in the public eye. But you're right, it's really not fair to call either of them bisexual."

The sound of boards creaking haltingly caught their attention and both glanced out of the kitchen to where Ethan was frozen mid-step. "...I have the feeling I just walked in on some weird shit," he muttered, holding his hands up. "So you guys just pretend I'm not here, and I'll get my soda and leave."

"Fine," Cheren tutted, waving absently at him. "What would you call them, then, Lyra?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure Green's just plain gay."

Ethan made a small choking noise somewhere behind her, and Lyra sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Even though he's with Leaf, too?"

"Well, Red's more of... the middle of the situation," she said, wiggling her hand a little. "It's hard to explain." At least, it was without revealing why she knew all of these things. "They're all together, for sure, but I think Leaf is... kind of an exception for Green."

"If that's true then why the hell do he and May start maccing every time they get wasted?" Apparently Ethan wasn't as far out of the conversation as he claimed, and was now trying to butt in while he chugged his soda, the fridge door still wide open.

"People don't have to make sense when they're drunk," Lyra offered, but Ethan was already cutting in with his own explanation.

"Unless they've got like, some sort of gay magnetism or something. Because I'm pretty sure that's what's up with her and Brendan anyway. Or is she just that much of a guy?" By now he'd closed the fridge and set his soda down, and was making what was most certainly not the real sign language for either magnets or making out, but was getting both points across fairly well.

"I don't think it's like that, honestly. Sorry," Lyra said, trying not to laugh. If she laughed, it would just encourage him. "It's just that he's definitely attracted to guys, so I think Leaf is some sort of an exception for him."

"And what about Red?" Cheren asked, also doing his best to ignore their raucous eavesdropper.

"I think Green's the exception for him. He uh... definitely seems to like girls," she said, turning back to the stove to check up on her cooking. No need for the others to see her blush.

"Red's just that awesome," Ethan grinned, setting his now-empty can on the floor.

Cheren was busy enough cringing at what Ethan was about to do, and being glad the floor here was tile, not linoleum, that he took a moment to process the sheer oddity of what the younger boy had just said. "...Wait, you're okay with Red being with a guy?" Normally Ethan was the first one to voice loud opinions about anyone else being remotely gay – true or not – and they were seldom positive ones.

"Yeah, well, mostly. I mean, it's a little weird, but Red's just that awesome. He's got two bitches." He held up his fingers to prove he could count that high, then clapped his hands and leaped exaggeratedly high in the air, landing on one foot on top of the can and crunching it down.

Lyra cringed, first at the idea of that classification and then harder at the loudness of Ethan's stomping.

"And one of them's a fucking gym leader!" he added, scooping his foot under the can and kicking it into the air expertly. "It just proves that Red's like, the top of all manliness."

"That's... an interesting choice of words," Lyra chuckled nervously. She knew she shouldn't share what she was bout to share, but the temptation to crush the boy's nonsensical ranting was just too high. It had been a hobby of hers ever since she'd been old enough to think of trying to make him cry, instead of crying herself when his ego-streaks got insulting. "Considering he doesn't top very often."

Cheren was the one making choking noises now, his hand over his mouth as he tried his best to hide the silent laughter he'd erupted into. There was nothing dignified about nearly spraying Sprite out your nose, but he was trying. Ethan, on the other hand, had frozen mid-step a couple steps after Lyra's statement, and she could see his shoulders slump as the weight of her statement sat onto them.

"You shouldn't joke about things like that," he shot suddenly, shoving the can into the recycle bin in a hurry. "Jokes like that and gossips like you guys are how tabloids and shit get started. Shit's not funny."

"I don't think she's joking," their older friend said once he'd cleared his throat again, though for the moment he decided not to chance eating anything else until the squabble was done. "She did say that Red was 'in the middle' of things."

Ethan's face contorted into a painful looking expression of disgust. "You're gonna have to help me out here then, because I think you're saying something that just doesn't make sense."

"I'm saying... Green's the one pitching."

"Not fucking funny, Lyra."

"Not fucking kidding, Ethan."

"There's no way in hell Red would do that. Quit trying to freak me out." Ethan took a couple quick steps back and forth, then rushed over to the fridge, grabbing another soda. "I'm gonna go train, if you're just gonna make up bullshit like that."

Cheren coughed softly and looked up at the two younger kids. "As Green's roommate, who has had the misfortune of returning home too early on occasion, I must cut in... To verify. I don't know about standard procedure, but the position I saw them in left no room for misinterpretation."

Lyra was suddenly worried she'd have to catch Ethan, as he stumbled like he was going to pass out. "Ethan?"

"...You... you shut up. Both of you. You're both fucking liars. You're doing this to me on purpose. Shit's not funny. Red ain't gay." He slammed his soda can down on the counter so hard that Lyra stepped back a few paces, just in case he decided to open it.

"Why's it such a big deal, Ethan? You were fine with Green being gay just a minute ago."

"Yeah, but I beat Green. That alone proves he's a pussy, no matter how awesome he is. But Red's the most awesome... he... I mean he's the fucking Champion!"

"Wallace was the Champion in his region for a while," Lyra offered.

"Cynthia, too," Cheren added quietly, covering his nose with another push of his glasses. "Still is."

"Yeah but they aren't Red!"

Lyra sighed, lifting her pan off the stove and turning off the burner. "...I can't believe you're this worked up over Red being on bottom." She was more than done with the conversation, especially in case Ethan asked how she knew, anyway. "I don't see how it changes anything."

"Of COURSE it changes anything! It changes everything! Red's the best, the coolest, he's the man, and men don't- don't- don't-" he took a deep breath, slamming the can down again as he finally got the words to come out, "don't take it up the ass!"

He looked at both his friends, who were pretending to look elsewhere while they figured out whether to laugh or to worry about Ethan's homophobic outburst, then, satisfied he'd had the last word, he stormed out of the room, muttering to himself the whole way.

"And you!" he shouted suddenly, spinning around and pointing at Cheren. "Get the fuck out of my house. Quit corrupting my friends!"

As he hurried off, Lyra calmly put together plates for herself, her guest, and the others they were still waiting for, leaving the rest aside.

"So how do you know all these things?" Cheren asked as she sat beside him, and her eyes shot open wide, her face turning pink once more. "Just because you share a wall with him or something?"

"Y-yeah," she stammered, pulling her stool in and staring at her food. "...And Leaf's a big sharer when she's tipsy," she offered.

"Really? I'll have to see this, some time," he considered, stroking his chin.

"Sure, you do that," she chirped, then, before he could continue the discussion, "Itadakimasu!" And she dug in quite happily, hoping Ethan would forget about his soda being shaken before he managed to open it.


	12. Meanwhile, Downstairs

A/N: "Meanwhile" as in "this takes place during Sweethearts". No, there's not a complete version of Sweethearts up on FFN, because 24,000 words is a lot to strip down to R rated. I promise that reading it isn't necessary to understanding this.

* * *

Ethan was, as usual, extremely bored. Lucas less so, since he actually liked reading, but Ethan had exhausted his entire stack of comics and didn't quite feel like going outside to get more. So instead he was sitting on his bed, staring at the window, sighing absently while wishing Blake was still his roommate. Lucas didn't provide nearly as much entertainment; he had no comics to steal, no cool clothes to steal, and no crazy CDs to listen to. Not that he hated Lucas or anything, and not that it wasn't honestly a bit better than Blake in a way because Lucas wasn't shameless in terms of hanging around in his drawers all day, but on days like today Ethan was sorely tempted to take off on another journey just so he had something to do.

Hell, he was considering doing his _laundry_ for the sake of something to do.

Then he heard it: the familiar calls of a girl somewhere else in the house. He sunk a little deeper into his pillow, fuming slightly. This was why the room rearrange had happened to begin with, to let the other guys get laid more often. That's what it boiled down to. And he and Lucas had been shoved together solely because they were single. No other reason. They hadn't even had a say in it, not really.

He glanced over at Lucas, who was slightly pink as he was reading his book. So he'd heard it too. Ethan smirked.

"Whatcha reading?"

The boy nearly fell out of his bed in surprise, and Ethan laughed victoriously, sitting up. "What, not used to the noise? Or not used to anyone knowing you're listenin'."

"I'm trying really hard _not_ to listen, thank you very much," he whined, his voice wavering.

"Why? It's just Winnie. I'm pretty sure she _likes_ it when we listen."

Lucas turned a little redder, sinking lower in his corner. "Winnie and Blake went out for pizza, I thought.."

Ethan blinked a couple times, straightening his hood as he looked at the wall in confusion. It wasn't coming from the right direction, now that he thought about it. "Well it ain't May either, I don't think."

Lucas just shook his head, then jumped a few inches again when suddenly the ceiling creaked. "...Can I borrow your headphones?"

"The fuck?" Ethan complained, too distracted to answer his friend's question. "Upstairs? The _girls_' room?" Now it was him blushing as he worried for a moment that it was his best friend getting pounded above them. "That fucking better not be Lyra," he growled, standing up on his bed and glaring at the ceiling. "There's no man alive crazy enough to fuck her, and I sure as hell ain't letting her lose her virginity before ME."

The slightly older boy managed to hide the smile he cracked at his roommate's tirade, but when he tried to mumble a defense, it wasn't loud enough for him to hear. Lucas sighed when Ethan just continued glaring at the ceiling, then cleared his throat again, barely managing, "N-no, I don't think that's her..."

The ceiling squeaked again, and suddenly Ethan was standing on top of Lucas's bed, making it there in three bounds. "It's right over your bed! Haha, awesome."

"Can I go sit on your bed, then?" he asked, pulling his legs closer to him and out of the path of Ethan's feet.

"You really don't want to be listening to this? This is free entertainment."

Lucas just turned redder, turning to look out the window. "I... Dawn and Barry went up there a while ago."

"Barry?" Ethan snapped, staring at the quieter boy in shock.

He winced, nodding a bit. "Shh... they might hear you..." he said, waving his hands downward.

"They don't seem to care so why should we?" he grinned, the same line he used any time the door was left open on Blake's new room. Lucas sighed, rubbing his neck as he stood up and walked over to sit on his roommate's bed instead.

"Where do you keep your headphones?"

"Huh?" he glanced over, shrugging. "Oh, they're there somewhere man. Check my coat." He turned his attention back toward the ceiling, some mix of fascination and irritartion on his face. "Fuckin' A... Barry, really? That fruitbag's getting laid before me? That ain't right..."

Lucas just grunted, carefully picking up a pair of Ethan's boxers with the edge of his book and flicking them to the ground. Ethan's coat was somewhere in the pile, on his bed, but where exactly was the better question.

"Lucky though. Dawn's getting pretty hot. A bit flat for my tastes, but her legs are nice... And that face!"

There was a slight growl from his usual side of the room, and Lucas was staring him down. "That's my..." he stumbled over the words "ex-girlfriend" mentally, then settled on, "my friend you're talking about!"

It was Ethan's turn to blink. "So? You're telling me you wouldn't have hit that if you had the chance?"

"I-" Lucas felt like his face was on fire, and he turned to look away from Ethan, staring at his dirty clothes instead. He'd been dating her, hadn't he? So of course he'd planned on having sex with her eventually, right? But he'd also never really thought about it. In the end that lack of thought was sort of why he'd lost her, wasn't it? He took a deep breath, trying to force down the blush or at least turn it into rage instead. "What the fuck, man?" he snapped, the curse feeling unnatural on his tongue. "What if I said something like that about Lyra?"

"Well that'd just mean you're nuts," Ethan answered quickly, his tongue stuck out in disgust. "Really, why _would_ you say something like that."

Lucas groaned, grabbing the boy's coat off the bed. "Nevermind. I'm just not a pervert like you."

"They've got a word for people like you, you know."

He narrowed his eyes at his roommate. He'd heard "prude" spat at him one too many times, and he was starting to think Sinnoh was the only place on the planet that still taught people anything about respecting women. Or maybe it was just the only place where teenagers had anything better to do with their time than jack off.

"Gay," Ethan announced, then jumped up and punched the ceiling.

"Whaaaat?" Lucas shouted back, stunned by the accusation, then, "Knock that off!" scrambling across the room.

"What? They've gone quiet, it's boring."

"Don't jump on my bed!" he snapped, trying to grab at his roomie's arm. "Please!"

"See? Gay. Real man would have just thrown me off of here by now."

"Just because I'm not an asshole doesn't mean I'm gay!" He grabbed at him again, and Ethan evaded and snatched his hat in one motion. Lucas whined slightly, covering his hair with both hands in a late attempt to grab the hat. "And even if I was it wouldn't matter."

"Deniiiial! Keep telling yourself that," he chuckled, setting his friend's hat atop his own. "Man, I can't believe the show is already over."

"Well I'm glad," Lucas sneered, trying to hide his pout. What was with people and his hat lately.

Just then a scream, muffled by the plaster between them, but still clear and clearly Dawn's voice, filled the room for several seconds. Lucas went pale, hiding his face in his hands a few seconds later when Ethan whistled appreciatively.

"DAMN. That girl has some _lungs_. How'd you let that get away?"

"Please just shut up," he mumbled into his palms, turning to sit down on the edge of his bed.

The only noise for the next minute or so was a pair of golf claps from the younger boy. Lucas groaned in relief at about the same moment that Ethan sighed. "Yeah, guess they really are done now." He hopped off the bed and sat down, patting his friend on the back. "You want to go congratulate him?"

"Whaaaaat?"

Ethan laughed at his sustained protest. "That's not bad. Keep it up and you can scream just like her."

Lucas was trying really hard to cry, because honestly, that would only make the taunting worse. He really missed Brendan right about now; he might have made a joke or two, sure, but he had the sensetivity to know when his friend needed support. "This isn't funny," he grumbled finally, sniffing back the couple of tears that had managed to escape.

Ethan watched him for a second, then sighed, hooking his arms behind his head. "Aww, I'm sorry man."

His head jerked up to look at his roommate, surprised that he actually sounded sympathetic. "You... are?"

"Yeah. I keep forgetting that that coulda been you up there. It ain't right for me to be going on about it. I'm sure losing a girl like that hurts."

Lucas started to smile, moreso after his hat was handed back to him. "Thanks," he whispered, brushing it off before putting it back on his head. "Is that what happened with you and Lyra?" He asked as he straightened it.

"...What?" Ethan gagged, sounding a bit like he was going to puke from the notion. "What are you on?"

He froze with both hands still on his hat, then got them up defensively as quickly as he could. "Nothing! Just you always talk about her with such annoyance, and her and Silver-"

"Her and the pansy is _her_ problem, not _mine_. There is nothing between me and her. That is just... nasty," he shivered, sticking his tongue out. "Why would you even... Ewww..."

"Sorry, sorry!" Lucas spouted, scooting back a couple inches. "Just you two've known each other so long, like Dawn and I have, so I just thought-"

"Yeah, but Dawn is cute. Lyra's just crazy. Maybe if she was more like her sister, then sure, I'd think about it, but..."

Lucas thought about making a comment about who was really in denial in the situation as Ethan continued to rant. "Okay, okay, I get it. I'm sorry," he sighed once it was clear Ethan wasn't going to shut up any time soon. "I just made a mistake. I mean, not everyone's gonna fall for someone just because they went to school with them forever, right?"

"Exactly. I like older women, anyway," Ethan assured him, smirking. "...But not like, milfs or whatever, that's just creepy. Just like, Kris and Winnie, and I guess Leaf's pretty hot but it's not the same."

He just shook his head, feeling a little better just out amusement at Ethan's rambling. "I kinda get you."

The next moment was silent, while Ethan made a couple of motions about boobs but otherwise just sat staring at the wall.

"...Okay, I'm bored again. Let's go play something."

Lucas took a second to process what he'd just been asked. "Really?" Ethan never asked him to play anything.

"Yeah, or let's go train or something." He stood up, stretching his back exaggerat ively, then turned back to grin at his roomie. "I'd challenge you to a battle, but we both know who'd win that."

Lucas laughed. "I wouldn't be so sure on that one, but it's a bit late for a battle." It was true that Blake not being in town gave Ethan less options for people to hang out with, but he still had a feeling this was his friend's way of apologizing for being insensitive. That, of course, assumed he really understood that he'd been hurtful, and Lucas could never be sure if something like that was giving the boy too much credit or not.

"Then the Wii it is!" he announced, adjusting his hat and dashing for the door.

He stopped mid-step when there was suddenly another very feminine squeak, turning back to look at Lucas. "Was that you?"

"What? No!" he complained, his tone of voice completely failing to disprove the accusation. "I think-"

They heard it again, and Ethan's hand quickly fell away from the doorknob as he started at the ceiling. "Damn, round two?" he said, whistling as he shook his head slightly. "Looks like I owe him some credit."

Lucas was bright red again; while the first time, there had only been a few, spread-out moans, this time the noise was persistent. He reached up to cover his ears without even thinking about it, eyes squeezing shut as well. It was one thing to have heard something so passing, even if her scream had sunk into his soul uncomfortably... He was used to noise from the rooms on either side of his own, and was more than capable of sleeping straight through it. But when he chanced uncovering his ear, she had only gotten louder.

"I didn't think he could last this long," Ethan thought aloud, glancing at Lucas as if to ask if he expected this out of his friend. He just whimpered, pressing his palms tighter to his ears. "They've been at it for what, half an hour?"

"Shut up!" Lucas shot back, palms still pressed to his ears.

"You shut up, I'm trying to listen."

It looked like Lucas's eyes were going to fall out of his head from how wide they went as he stared in his roommate in horror. Ethan's tendency to eavesdrop when it was easy was no secret – he'd caught him and Lyra crouched outside of Brendan and May's room, giggling, at least once, and seen him with his ear pressed to the wall they shared with Blake and Winnie frequently – but somehow it was different in this case. A lot of it was because this was his best friends Ethan was listening to; that fact alone disgusted Lucas. But at least part of it was that Barry and Dawn were just so G rated in public, unlike the other couples. He was pretty sure he'd never seen them kiss in public outside of "hello" and "goodbye", unlike the couch hoggers who treated PDA like a religion. Spying on people who were normally so chaste was just so wrong.

"Come on, let's go play," he urged, heading for the door quickly. Maybe downstairs they wouldn't be able to hear them; two floors away seemed like far enough.

"And miss this? Hell no." Then he grinned. "Do you know how much shit I get to give him later over this?"

Lucas had had enough. "Over what, him losing his virginity before you?"

That clearly struck a chord in the younger boy, who stuck his lip out and then went back to examining the ceiling. "You can run off if you want, _I'm_ not missing the show," he grumbled, ignoring Lucas entirely.

He sighed, shaking his head as he turned to leave, only to wince at another loud thud. He thought maybe it had been something upstairs, but Ethan was still bouncing slightly from jumping to hit the ceiling again. "Don't _do_ that!"

"Why?" he asked, though he jumped back down with a thump that was only lesser from the carpet.

"Because-" he faltered, feeling flustered. It was obviously an awful thing to do, why did he even question it? "Because it's a dick move, that's why," he explained, standing up straighter to emphasize the inch of height he had over Ethan.

"Man, you are such a wet blanket," he complained, traipsing across the room and dropping to his knees by his own bed.

"No, I'm practical," Lucas mumbled, deflating slightly. "Someone in this house has to be _not_ wild."

Ethan laughed once, still digging around under his bed, then sliding his skateboard out before hopping to his feet. "Same difference. And Red's plenty 'not wild', so you can loosen up some, y'know."

Lucas felt his eye twitch a little as he tried to decide between retaliating and just leaving. This was beyond obnoxious in his mind, like Ethan was just trying to bait him by now, which he probably WAS if he thought about it. Just as he opened his mouth, the ceiling saved him from the humiliation of having no idea what to say by thunking fairly loudly. And this time Ethan's fist was nowhere near the plaster, not that it was capable of producing the creaking noises that followed.

And that didn't stop.

"Squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak," Ethan cackled, nodding his head to the rhythm and then jumping up onto Lucas's bed again, nearly thwacking him with his skateboard as he sped by.

"You are so SICK!" Lucas shouted, spinning around to keep his gaze on his roommate. "Most people don't listen to their friends have sex!"

"Now who's so loud they're gonna hear us?" he laughed. "Not that either of them would probably notice," he added, sticking his tongue out. "They're really into it."

Lucas's brow furrowed hard, his hand balling into a fist as rage started winning over embarrassment. Ethan bounced slightly on the bed again, then brought his skateboard over his head and smacked it into the ceiling hard enough to leave a small black mark. The older boy sputtered helplessly, charging for his bed and grabbing at Ethan, "Knock it off!"

Ethan just continued to laugh, knocking on the ceiling again and cheering.

"Barry wouldn't do this to you!" Lucas protested, pulling harder at his friend's hoodie.

"His loss. If he gets to have fun, so should I!"

Something inside of Lucas snapped in that moment. Most of him was still wanting to go cry in the corner from the conflicting emotions of missing Dawn and knowing his friends were off upstairs without him paired with him wanting to be happy for them. The rest wanted to just be embarrassed for them for how loud they were being about it, and for himself for being the teensiest bit aroused by hearing his ex's moans.

But everything he wanted to be feeling, all the emotions he wanted to deal with, were being shoved to the wayside because of Ethan's rampant dumbass-ary. For the second time that month, an unfamiliar rage was boiling within the normally level-headed boy.

"FUCK YOU!" he roared, the back of his arm colliding with Ethan's side and slamming him clean off the bed, to go tumbling to the floor. Lucas stumbled back too, from the force of the impact, then just stood there shaking, glaring down at his roommate.

The younger boy stared back up at him in shock, and for a few seconds the room itself was quiet, leaving every single groan from upstairs clear as day.

"What the hell, man?" Ethan shouted back, grabbing his skateboard and holding it as a shield as he sat up.

Lucas lowered the arm he had raised, ready to lean down and punch Ethan, then a split second later kicked him in the calf instead. The younger boy's snarl of pain drowned out the background for a moment, one hand gripping his calf while the other still gripped the skateboard. "Knock it off!"

"You won't, why should I?" he snapped, his arm cocking again. "Or are you too much of a... a _pussy_ to take your own SHIT?" Lucas was screaming now, his hand latching onto the top of the skateboard, ready to rip it away.

"Yeah, but I'm not trying to hurt anybody!" Ethan defended, tightening his own grip. "It's all just a joke man!"

Lucas's sneer faltered for a second. Yeah, Ethan talked big, but he never actually did any of the shit he said... And he'd only seen him get in a physical fight with anyone once, and that someone was Silver. "Well-" he started, his mind racing.

Above them, Dawn screamed again, and Lucas looked away, unable to meet Ethan's eyes.

"Well?" Ethan spat after a second, pulling his skateboard free of Lucas's hand.

He squeezed back his tears, then stomped on the ground just an inch from the younger boy's leg, hissing, "Well, don't _joke_ about my _friends_."

"Alright man, I'm sorry. Yeesh. You're such a wet bl-"

Lucas swung again, only to be blocked by the skateboard. "You want to keep going, Ethan? Then we'll settle this right. A pokemon battle. Tomorrow, first thing." He had his eyes narrowed, staring straight into Ethan.

He let go of the skateboard, and only then did Ethan realize he'd swing intending to catch the board, not trying to actually hit him. Lucas backed up slightly, still glaring at his roommate as he took another deep breath, then holding out his right hand to help Ethan up.

Ethan's face lit up as he finally saw a cue to react. "Now we're talking!" he cheered, slapping his hand into Lucas's and pulling himself to his feet. "It's about time something interesting happened around here!"

Lucas tried to keep scowling, but as Ethan grinned and shook his hand, he couldn't help but flash a slight smile. It was true; this was going to be interesting.

* * *

A/N: Guys, I'd like to thank you for sticking with me so far. 12 chapters of silliness is a lot to both read and write, and yet this is quickly becoming my most popular story ever, so I've still got more on the way - I'm planning new chapters as we speak. There's a few sitting around half-finished, but they'll get there soon, and then that's where you guys come in.

This entire universe is spawned out of suggestions from my readers and friends. Yes, I do have a general plot idea (even though I'm posting everything out of order...) but no, not everything's set in stone. So if you have any ideas you'd like to see in Roommates, or if there's just characters you'd like to see more of, let me know in a review. As things stand I'm watching my stats go by with 20-30 people a day reading the story, but I have no idea what anyone would like to see since hardly any of those people review! So take this opportunity and I might just use your idea.

(Also, if you haven't read it yet, A Very Indigo Christmas takes place in this same universe. Just so ya know.)


	13. Ethan's Existential Crisis

I've posted a snippet of this before, but it's finally done. This is a little bit of a temporal rewind for crack!verse – I have a LOT of stuff that got skipped chronologically that I'll be posting over the next few weeks – and it takes place well before the infamous holiday party. It's about a week after Pitching but before Egg Crack by a month or so.

Also, I need to stop picking on Ethan.

Also, I do apologize for my very minor use of fangirl Japanese in this.

**Ethan's Existential Crisis**

Ethan paused as he came in the door, not quite getting to shouting "I'm home" before realizing something was a little out of place.

There was a young boy in the living room, talking to Green. Well, not young-young, just younger than Ethan, though he carried himself in way that was... well, it was adorable, Ethan had to admit. Obnoxious, too, though, as he continued his whining at Green.

"Nii-chaaaan, come onnnnn," he whined, grabbing at the edges of his hat. "Gym battle. Gym battle!"

Ethan raised an eyebrow in confusion. This kid didn't look like he was even 12, he was too short to be a legal pokémon trainer, so what was he begging Green for a gym battle for? Though he had called him big brother, so maybe...

Wait, Green had a kid brother? Since when?

He shook his head, glancing between the stairs and his pool cues. On one hand, Street Fighter was calling from his room. On the other, he could always use some more practice, and continuing to eavesdrop on this conversation would probably be hilarious. So he'd go for it, what the heck.

Kicking his other shoe off, the young trainer strode into the living room, grabbing a cue off the wall and then starting to hunt the pockets for balls. "Up for a round, Green?" he called to his secondary idol, though he personally hoped he turned him down. He was still slightly mad at him, ever since finding out... He didn't even want to think about that detail of him and Red, so he just stuck his tongue out in disgust – barely out of the older boy's sight – and continued setting up the table.

"Nah, I'm trying to deal with a pest," he called back, ignoring the kid pulling at his sleeve.

"Nii-chan, you're soo meaaaan," the kid whined, letting go and then swinging one arm at him halfheartedly. "I've got my other seven badges, I just need yours."

Ethan caught himself staring at the two of them as he lined up the balls. Something about the boy was... actually kind of cute.

He gagged, and subsequently started coughing fiercely, as he realized what he'd just thought. He hadn't thought of Green's little brother as adorable just now, he'd thought of him as the attractive kind of cute. Something was desperately wrong with him, that was the only answer. He was sick. Something bad been in whatever Green had cooked the night before.

"The fuck man, why can't you guys battle?" he asked once he realized his coughing had attracted attention. "I mean, like, get out of here. Go. Ain't your house anyway."

"What's with you?" Green scowled, putting one hand on the blond kid's head, making him whine when his hat got twisted by the motion. "Anyway, it's not your business."

"Oh, I see how it is. You're gonna talk about secrets in my house, in front of me. Well fuck you guys."

"Why's he saying stuff like that? Isn't this Nii-chan's house?" he asked, still trying to pull Green's hand off his head.

"Ethan's like that. He's just mad because he's not as awesome as your Nii-sama."

He made a sound of comprehension, then giggled. Fucking giggled. This was getting on Ethan's nerves, and he blushed slightly, barely hearing the answer. "Ohhhh, he's _that_ kid."

"Okay, fine, laugh it up. But I don't care what lies he feeds you, I beat your precious brother over here," he shouted, wishing he had his badges on him to prove that fact, "and I'm sure I could beat you around the block. If you two are done using me as your punching bag, I'll be playing Street Fighter," he announced, slamming his cue down on the table and storming off up the stairs.

"What was that all about?" Yellow asked after they heard Ethan's door slam upstairs, pulling off her hat to fix her hair under it. "He seems like kind of a jerk."

"He normally isn't," Green answered, grabbing her hat from her and putting it on his head. "I think something's been eating him lately."

"That's sad," she said with a pout. "So he's nice, normally?"

"Welllll... he's always a little loud, but he's a good guy." His face scrunched as he considered it, then added, "Total brat, but a good guy."

She smiled and nodded, pulling her ponytail back up into a bun and reaching for her hat again. Green chuckled and pulled it off his own head, holding it out behind the couch. "What, you want this?"

"Yessss. Nii-chaaaan," she whined, climbing halfway onto him trying to grab at it. "Give it baaaack."

"I don't see why I should," he grinned.

"Because Chuchu won't be happy with you if you don't."

He felt his face fall at the thought, but kept the hat as far back as he could. "She's outside. I don't care."

"Battle meeeee," she whined again, suddenly realizing that he'd successfully distracted her from that issue.

"Nope. You only have five pokémon! Someone with only five pokémon has no business going to the league."

A yellow blur tore past, snatching her hat from his grasp by leaping high into the air, and skidded to a stop a few feet away. "Chuchu! Thank youuuu!" she cheered, scrambling past the end of the couch before Green could react, though he grabbed for her arm anyway.

"That was cheating!" he scolded her, leaping to his feet, only to find her pikachu sitting on the arm of the soda, growling lightly at him. He froze – he was used to being shocked by now, but in no hurry to experience it again.

Yellow giggled, straightening her hat back out and then sticking her tongue out at her "brother". "Well, you're mean, so, it's fair! And I'm telling Nii-sama when he gets back," she warned him.

Green made a quick decision that Red was a worse fate than Chuchu and leapt for the younger girl, who shrieked, grabbing the brim of her hat with both hands and bolting for the back door, her pikachu hot on her heels.

Ethan groaned somewhere in his room, completely unable to focus on the arcade machine in front of him. Blake hadn't been home – thankfully – so he had his room to himself for the moment, which meant he could fume in peace.

He knew most the others had siblings of some form. He'd known Kris since he was young; he knew Red had a little sister; a boy came around sometimes that was either Brendan or May's little brother, he'd never quite caught which; and there were occasional jokes of Silver having at least a dozen bastard siblings out there, though no one actually thought it was truth. But he thought Green's only sibling was his older sister, Daisy... now it turned out he had a little brother, too?

But the kid was so obnoxious and whiny, it was no wonder he hadn't mentioned him before.

The game chirped a series of annoyed noises at him, letting him know he'd lost, and Ethan groaned, kicking it. "Fuck you, too," he grumbled, stomping back over to his bed and flopping in it.

So what if he'd thought the kid was cute. At that age, it was hard to tell if he was even a boy or not, anyway. That was what he really had to be worried about – not the fact he thought a guy was cute, because man, that had only happened because he still had that bullshit about Red on his mind. The fact he'd thought someone young enough to be in grade school was cute – because that kid was too short to be anything but – that was the worrying part.

Great, so not only was he gay, he was a pedophile. This day was just awful.

He yanked his phone out of his pocket, pulling up the browser on it. He'd find some hot chicks on there, do something with that. That'd make him feel better.

Green found himself being escorted back in not by Red, as he'd expected, but by a worse fate yet: Leaf. Yellow was trying not to look too entertained by the situation as she followed behind the two, Chuchu perched happily on her shoulder.

"So what have you been torturing our little sister with this time?" she chided, sitting her boyfriend back down on the couch.

"She thinks just because the other gym leaders hand out badges for being adorable, I need to too. She's expecting me to give her a badge when she's only got five pokémon!"

"I don't want you to _give_ me a badge. I want to beat you for one!" She flailed slightly, clearly frustrated that he just wasn't budging on this.

"You're what, nine? I don't know how you even got those badges! Did you steal them from Red?"

"I'm _thirteen_! And a _half_!" she wailed, turning to Leaf and giving her the biggest eyes she could. "I've been a trainer for almost two whole years! Nee-channnn... Make him stoooppp."

The older girl sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Yellow, calm down. You know he's just teasing you."

"No I'm not," Green grunted, starting to relax again now that he was winning the fight. He leaned back, pulling his elbows up onto the couch, and smirked. "She expects me to believe she got all those badges with just five pokémon, two of which she didn't even catch herself."

"You didn't catch Eevee or Charizard either," she whined, hugging Chuchu. "Nii-sama just gave me Chuchu and Gyara because he loves me." Chuchu licked her trainer's cheek sympathetically, death glaring at Green the best she could manage.

Leaf felt like she couldn't even come close to sighing hard enough to convey her frustration over things. "So you only don't want to battle her yet because she doesn't have a full team?"

"She's crying over there, look at her. How's she going to react when I kick her ass?"

"I am not crying," she insisted, only half-lying. The tears had never actually left her eyes.

"Answer the question, _honey_," Leaf said, her voice stern enough to choke him. "If she had a full team, would you battle her for her badge?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine. If she had a full team, she could battle me. But it has to be something she raised herself, she can't just borrow something. She's gotta show _her_ strength as a trainer, remember? I'm not Misty, I'm not going to just hand her a badge because I like her."

She took that as a fairly reasonable answer, stupidity aside, and turned to her "sister". "I think he's being fair... He does use a full six-on-six at his gym. So why don't you focus on getting another pokémon, and then I'll make sure he battles you once you do?"

Yellow nodded softly, turning to sit down on the couch. "So I should go try to make another friend, then," she said simply, scratching Chuchu's back. "What do you think? Who should we look for as our new friend?"

Leaf smiled at the younger girl, sitting down on the other side of her. "Who do you have right now? You should probably pick someone of a type you don't have."

"Wellll... You know I've had Chuchu since she was just a pichu~" she chirped, grinning. All the others from Pallet Town knew that fact well, as they'd been there when the egg – the child of Red's Pikachu and one another friend of theirs had, named Sparky – had hatched into the bright eyed baby. The little pichu had been given to Yellow, just the way Green's grandfather had given him Eevee, and when she'd turned 12, she'd refused another starter pokémon, taking off on her journey with only the freshly evolved pikachu. "Then I've got Ratty, and Dody, and Kitty, and Gyara!"

The older kids exchanged knowing glances, Leaf giggling and Green grumbling over the girl's habit of nicknaming her pokémon excessively cute things. She'd recovered well from Red's extended absence when she was younger, probably due to inheriting their mother's eternal optimism, and now she was fast turning into a powerful trainer just like her brother. Leaf hoped that Green would keep his end of the bargain, and that Yellow would get her sixth pokemon soon and beat him properly, because she desperately wanted to see the look on his face when she beat him with all her "cutesy" companions.

"I think I need a fire type!" she concluded, and Chuchu chittered in agreement. They both looked to Leaf, who nodded.

"That sounds perfect. I think a fire type would be a good choice. Maybe a nice growlithe or something."

The two little girls giggled, then ran off toward the back yard again. "Let's go tell everyone, Chuchu! We'll stay here with Nii-sama for the weekend, then on Monday, we'll go find a new friend!"

"What, don't I get a say?" Green hollered after her, and was answered only by the sliding door slamming. "Kids these days," he grumbled, slumping back into the couch. "No respect."

Leaf couldn't keep a straight face for even half a second, buckling over with laughter too quickly to even look at her boyfriend. He tried to ask her what was wrong, and she just stood up, heading for the kitchen. "Go... go get the other table," she managed between laughs, wiping her eyes. "Then go to the store. I invited everyone over for dinner. I need you to go pick up more soda."

Green just sunk lower into the couch. This. This was why he couldn't stand women.

A rather frustrating while and a shower later, Ethan was staring down his Street Fighter game again. Something smelled really good from downstairs, but that kid might be there too, so he wasn't sure if the food was worth the risk.

His stomach growled, and he sighed, standing up. It had been a short battle (only about three minutes), but he had fought valiantly against the beast called hunger, and he could try again another day. It smelled like Leaf was cooking her famous stir fry, and he couldn't pass that up.

He galumphed down the stairs behind a giggling Dawn and Lucas, rolling his eyes at their "mushy crap" before rounding the corner to the kitchen.

Ethan froze at the sight of the card table sitting in the room, next to the dining room table. It could only mean one thing: that _everyone_ was coming over for dinner. He tried to make a beeline for the kitchen island, to sit there instead, but it had been taken over as buffet space for the pokemon. Begrudgingly, he took a seat near one end of the table, immediately leaning onto his elbows.

"Hi!" an only slightly familiar voice chirped, and he jerked upright as a seat across from him was pulled out. "Are you less grumpy now?"

The little blond boy from earlier grinned at him as he sat down almost directly across from him, and Ethan tried not to blush, looking away, paying attention instead to Wally, who had taken the seat beside Green's sister. "None of your fucking business."

Wally frowned, not sure why Ethan was suddenly cursing at him, and looked at anyone who was nearby helplessly. None of them noticed, not even Green, who brushed past, using his brother's head as an armrest as he walked by and plopped down at the head of the table. "Hey there, jackass," he chuckled at Ethan, "up for some pool later?"

"You..." Ethan growled back, leaning forward again.

"BOYS! Language!" Leaf shouted behind them, and the two went silent, glaring at each other for a moment, Yellow glancing between them and sipping a glass of water quietly.

"Um..."

"No hats at the table, squirt," Green announced, not appreciating having his staring contest interrupted. He grabbed at the straw hat, which Yellow held onto desperately.

"Noooo I like it!"

"No hats at the table!"

"He's wearing a hat!" one desperate finger pointed at Ethan.

"Leave me out of-"

Green leaned clear over the still unoccupied place between them and snatched his hat off his head, tossing it aside, and Winnie started to snicker from down the table. "No hats!" he repeated, turning back to the blond, who was trying to disappear under the table.

"Nu-uh! Meanie!"

Ethan could feel Leaf's death glare boring straight through him and into Green well before his hat was dropped back in his lap. "Be. Nice. Honey," she said, her tone saying so much that Ethan suddenly respected Green that much more for not pissing himself on the spot.

The gym leader sighed, sitting back into his seat, and Yellow climbed back up too, giggling a little. Ethan tried to stare someplace else, and wished he had food to distract him, but kept finding his eyes creeping back toward the little blond boy. Their eyes met for a second, and he grinned at Ethan, who snorted and turned to his other side right as May took the seat. "Hi," he offered, and she stared at him like he was possessed, given that they _never _talked to one another.

The front door creaked open, prompting Leaf to sigh in exhausted relief as a pikachu came running across the living room. "Red, you're here, finally! Come control your boyfriend."

Ethan shifted uncomfortably, not liking the images that crossed through his mind any time one of the three was open about their relationship lately, but was grateful for the distraction, more-so as Leaf set down a plate of rolls right in front of him. He grabbed one and munched on it a little too intently before anyone could object, prompting May to stick her tongue out in disgust that he was being even weirder than normal and scoot over a few inches.

Yellow jumped up, racing across the room before the front door had even shut completely. "Nii-samaaaa!"

Red made a light "oof" noise as the two collided in the middle of the living room, then chuckled and pulled Yellow's hat off, kissing his hair.

Her hair, Ethan suddenly realized as a ponytail fell from under the hat. A girl who was now giggling as her big brother picked her up and carried her back to the table, their pikachus in tow.

This was not some mystery younger brother of Green. This was Red's little sister, Yellow. Granted, he'd never met her before, but how he'd not realized this fact until now boggled him well past the breaking point. It was okay that he thought she was cute. It was okay that she kept looking at him and giggling.

He stood up, slamming his fist down on the table, eyes ultra-wide. "Ha!" he shouted in equal parts victory and disbelief, "I'm not-"

The word "gay" didn't fully make it out of his mouth before he realized everyone was staring at him, and he simply cleared his throat. "Er... I'm not..."

He couldn't think of any way to end that sentence.

"...I'm going to go eat outside, it's really nice out there today," he mumbled, picking up his plate and starting to dish up his food in a hurry.

Only Barry followed him out, but it was worth it not to have to hear the laughter head-on.


	14. Lucky Quarter

**A/N:** Yaaaay new crack!verse! You guys can thank my boyfriend for this, he was trying to decipher what it was everyone hates about Ethan/musing about my interpretation of drunk!Brendan one night and came up with this idea. If I had the talent, it would be a flash video, not a story.  
Also, Silver is somehow becoming my favorite character.

* * *

**Lucky Quarter  
**_Lyraeon/Lyra Kamiya_

Late-night TV was a new addition to Ethan's life. He'd always gotten up early for Saturday morning cartoons, and to get going at the crack of dawn each day on his journey, so it wasn't until he'd had Blake for a roommate for a few weeks that the appeal had sunk in for him.

The upside of this was that he wasn't trying to skateboard down the stairs before anyone else was awake each morning. The downside was that he was becoming quite crass whenever Red wasn't around to impress.

On this particular morning – the term used loosely, as it was just past noon, and anyone else in the kitchen was there to get lunch – he was sitting at the table discussing the previous night's episode of some offbeat trivia show with Blake and Winnie. Silver was at the counter with his back to them, doing his damndest to ignore them and just eat his lunch. He was torn between the urge to scarf his soba to get away from the loudmouths as quickly as possible, and the one to eat it almost painfully slowly, thus delaying the afternoon of whatever lovey-dovey torture Lyra had planned for him today.

"You think that quarter bouncing thing was real?" Ethan asked, making a throwing motion that nearly knocked over his juice. "I mean, do you think it'd work?"

"We could try it," Blake chuckled, putting one hand on his girlfriend's thigh.

Winnie giggled and carefully moved his hand back to his own lap. "Ohhhh no you don't. You'll try to leave a welt if I let you do that."

Ethan rolled his eyes as the two kissed, sticking out his tongue when he heard them giggle. He stuffed two spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth before trying to speak again, and then choked when Winnie kicked him in the shin for it.

"See, that's what happens when you talk with your mouth full," she teased. "But, seriously. It wouldn't work on me anyway. I know I've spent the last two years walking all day long, but I don't actually work out or even run, and they said it has to be an athletic ass for it to work."

"You're taking all the fun out of it," Blake pouted.

The Johto boy managed to swallow and speak up before they could do anything mushy again. "Which means we can't pick Lyra, either, because she doesn't even have an ass."

Silver's elbow slammed against the counter in his hurry to facepalm.

"Well, that eliminates anyone who'd actually volunteer, and I'm not going to condone throwing quarters at random girls, so I'm out. Good luck," Blake offered Ethan with a nod, standing up and taking his dishes to the sink. Winnie followed him, winking back over her shoulder. He sat confused for a moment and then glanced back down at the table, where a single quarter was sitting in front of him. Before he could thank her she had already left the room.

_'Time to finish breakfast in a hurry so I can go find a target,__' _he mused, returning to his gigantic bowl.

Just a few bites later, the front door slammed, and after just a pause to kick off her shoes, May made her way into the kitchen. She was clad only in her biking shorts and a sports bra, which served as the day's weather report on its own. Despite his hurry, Ethan's eyes lingered just enough to notice the slight sheen of sweat on her back as she bent over the kitchen sink to rinse her face.

"Athletic," he repeated, quietly enough for her to not hear him over her music or the running water, and he flipped the quarter between his fingers.

As she made her way over to the cupboard that held all the glasses, Ethan found himself humming dramatically. He reached up to pull his goggles over his eyes, carefully pushing his chair out to get a better angle. "Dun... dun... dundun..."

May reached up, standing on her toes to get her favorite cup from the top shelf, leaving her ass as a perfect target. Ethan grinned wickedly, pulling his arm back and then letting the coin sail with his best rock-skipping throw.

Silver's mouth fell open before his chopsticks could reach it as he realized what was going on, recognizing the drum roll Ethan was continuing with behind him. He wondered if he should run, but knew two seconds wasn't enough time to get any real head start over an angry woman.

The quarter impacted, right on target, then bounced a good halfway back across the kitchen. Ethan – still humming epically – leapt to his feet, arms extended in a "touchdown!"pose.

Silver's noodles fell back to the plate; his focus right now was on staying perfectly still, not on eating, so he remained frozen mid-bite, lip still curled in disgust.

May screamed, "What the fuck?" as she spun around, dropping her (thankfully plastic) cup as she clapped both hands over her ass. Her eyes darted around the room as she looked for the culprit.

Silver's eyes filled with pure terror as she focused on him first, and he quickly pointed toward the true offender. Thankfully her eyes jerked away from him and toward Ethan without a second thought, and his followed, morbidly curious as to what kind of a beating he was about to endure.

As though summoned by Arceus himself, or perhaps just his girlfriend's cursing, Brendan had appeared from nowhere. His fist slammed into the side of Ethan's face before he had any hope of knowing his assailant was there, and he toppled, his song halting one note before the climax.

Over the next few seconds Ethan realized he was surrounded, managed to scramble back off the floor, and promptly darted toward the back door, not quite managing to slam it again before both halves of the angry couple chased after him.

Once all their shouting had faded into the distance – the gate slammed somewhere during the chase as well – Silver carefully set down his chopsticks and climbed off his stool. Calmly he made his way to the back door, shutting it, and then headed back toward his seat.

He paused when he saw the quarter still on the floor, and couldn't help but smirk as he reached for it, adding the last note to what Ethan had been humming as he pocketed it.

From now on, this would be his lucky quarter.

* * *

**A/N:** A P.S./message from my editor:  
"My mental picture now includes every time brendan walks into a room ethan is in, it's fist-first into ethan's head. like, neither of them even notice it happens any more, just WHAMP"  
And from me: I promise I'll stop picking on Ethan for a while now! I didn't even realize I was doing it again. I'll try to come up with a few chapters where he's either not featured or has some kind of luck, I promise!


	15. Background Noise

**A/N:** I know I've been neglecting Crackverse lately. I blame not having Nikko around to brainstorm with. This one came from a vague suggestion from my boyfriend and is probably later going to spawn a full length one, because I love letting these guys get themselves in sexy trouble.  
Oh, this chapter's also NOT SFW, but it wasn't long enough to justify its own posting like I normally do with those chapter. Skip it if that's not okay with you.

* * *

**Roommates and Locked Doors: Background Noise**

The stairs from the first to second floor were angled in a way that was uniquely secluded from the rest of the house. It was lowered enough from the second floor that no one passing through the hall would see anyone sitting there, while high enough that anyone in the TV room would have to actually try to notice someone there. Lucas had spent quite a lot of time sitting on that stretch of steps following his breakup, the niche serving as a place to watch movies with the others without actually having to come out of his moping.

Brendan and May's use of the space was far less innocent, but no less emotionally meaningful, depending on whom you asked.

She was sprawled across the steps, one hand fastened tight to the wrought iron railing, the other clutching Brendan's shirt and holding his chest close to hers. His own hands were both braced on the same step on either side of her shoulders, her knees looped over his elbows for ease of access. She'd conveniently "not bothered" to put her shorts on under her short skirt that day, a decision she'd chalked up to "laundry day" when asked by Winnie, who had responded dismissively; they'd shared a room for far too long for Winnie to believe her lies anymore, especially when she'd taught her half of them.

A few incidents over the previous months had led her and Brendan to take more and more risks when it came to the privacy of their sex life. By now they were borderline exhibitionists, never deliberately putting themselves in front of an audience but certainly pushing the limits of risking being caught. Being walked in on by a fellow coordinator in between rounds a few weeks earlier had deterred them for only a few days; being discovered in the laundry room by Ethan two nights earlier had resulted in a few bruises on his part but only a momentary interruption on theirs.

This was still the first time they'd done it somewhere that could truly be considered out in the open, at least while they knew anyone else was home. May had deliberately skipped movie night, and Brendan had snuck away to go "look for her" some ten minutes earlier. They'd exchanged rough kisses and a quick blowjob against their bedroom door, within earshot but not line of sight of the others, before she'd nudged him toward the staircase with the excuse that there was at least a half hour left to the movie.

She was being impressively quiet as he pounded into her, a feat she managed only by holding his gaze quite sternly and keeping her lip firmly clamped between her teeth. He kept from moaning more as a normal trait than as any specific effort for the evening, though he still whispered taunts and encouragement to her between strokes, endangering her own ability to stay quiet.

He dropped one of her legs, leaving her to brace her socked foot against the rail on her own, and moved the hand to grope her roughly beneath her shirt. May squirmed and gave a whimper, hips tilting up off the step, indifferent to the rug burn she was slowly grinding into her lower back as her shirt inched upwards. "Brendan," she whined, throwing her head back. "Ohhh fuck... you like those titties?"

Brendan groaned and nodded, used to her taunting attempts at dirty talk, especially given it was his own technique. "Yeah... I love 'em... I might have to cum all over them... If your pussy doesn't suck me dry before I get the chance..." His voice was low and throaty, his face only a few inches from hers, barely out of kissing range both from their position and to add an extra layer of tension to their fucking.

She whimpered again in response, rocking her hips harder still, her volume growing more unrestrained. Her ass slipped off the step it had been braced on, her whole body sliding down the stairs by half a step, causing her to be nudged up and down an inch with every stroke in or out of her body.

A dramatic sigh rang out, but not from either of them, though it took May suddenly holding her breath to make Brendan realize it hadn't been from her.

Across the room, Winnie had turned to hang backward over the arm of the sofa. "You know we can hear you guys fucking, right?" she called, her annoyed voice rising over the movie clearly.

Several seconds of silence followed her accusation, followed by the twang of May's foot slipping off the rail and hitting a few other rungs along the way. Cursing and none-too-subtle accusations of whose fault it was they'd been caught came, along with a few thumps of them both trying to get to their feet.

By the time they got to their room, the snarls had risen to a full-blown argument, audible even through the floor, over whose idea the entire thing had been to begin with.

"Told you we should have just let them be," Blake complained, swatting Winnie jokingly as she turned back around to sprawl against him again. "At least we could still hear the movie over the sex."

"It's a crappy movie anyway," she told him, kissing him on the chin.

From the other couch, Silver shot them both a sharp look that went unnoticed, grumbling to himself as he turned up the TV's volume in a desperate attempt to drown out all the stupidity.


	16. Training Methods

**A/N: **For once not even I know, don't bother asking. Someone made the joke and then boom.

* * *

"You fucking take that back."

Green had a history of teasing Ethan whenever the opportunity presented itself, which tended to be any second of any day he was at the condo. It was, he claimed, his way of grooming Ethan for the life of fame and fortune that being champion would afford him – a life that would be his _someday_, once Red got bored enough to step down permanently, which in turn would come only after Green finally conceded that that time Ethan won a gym badge from him hadn't just been a fluke or a lack of effort on his part.

Ethan had slowly gained tougher and tougher skin as a result. As a child he had only been on the dealing end of insults, and even that was far and few between since until around third grade, Lyra's general reaction to even being called "stupid" was to run crying to one of their moms and tell on him. Exposure to Silver's nasty vocabulary had helped little, because Silver tended to be above verbal barbs, and when he did throw insults they were the over the top lines he'd learned from the executives, which tended to produce the exact opposite of the desired effects.

Just the same there were lines Ethan knew – both from TV and from when his negative reaction was outright rage, as opposed to gut frustration – that certain lines were not to be crossed when it came to insults.

"Lance fucked your mom last night" was far enough over that line that the only things keeping Ethan from outright punching Green over it were uncertainty over whether a physical or pokemon battle was more appropriate retribution, and the firsthand knowledge that the gym leader could punch harder than him any day.

"I said you _fucking take that back_, I swear Green that isn't _fucking funny._"

"It wasn't meant to be," he said far more calmly than anyone with two fists and, theoretically, a high-level Typhlosion pointed at them should have. "I'm not trying to rip on you. I just thought you deserved to know."

"And how the hell would you know?!"

"Because Lance isn't the best at keeping his mouth shut."

Ethan stared at him incredulously, not quite putting his fists down, his teeth gritted as he nodded roughly for Green to continue.

"Red and I went up there this morning. We had to deliver a couple things to his place." He didn't say what things, but Ethan knew from overhearing Leaf's ranting two days earlier that it was a check for the damage their lot had caused, along with a formal apology, over the events of the holiday bash three weeks earlier. That knowledge gave him a slight chuckle, even if it did subtly make the last couple of bruises Green had left on him that same night seem to flare up for a second. "I saw your mom leaving as we landed. I mean, it might have been Lyra's. I get all of your parents mixed up. It was one of yours, for sure."

"That doesn't mean she..." Ethan made a face, unable to actually say it. It wasn't like his mom hadn't had boyfriends since he was old enough to notice, but that was awful enough to think about without bringing Lance into it.

"Dude, I get it. I know you hate Lance. I'll spare you the details, but let me just assure you that there is no doubt as to why she was there."

Ethan's rage filled scream rang out well beyond the kitchen he'd been cornered in, reverberating through the whole house and followed by a slam of the sliding glass door so strong that it bounced off its track as he stormed outside.

Leaf finally stepped around the corner after he'd already begun laying into one of the training targets on the other side of the yard. The concern wore heavy on her face as she stepped up to Green, putting an arm around his waist, and the pair watched quietly for most of a minute while Ethan called out his team and began calling out attacks.

"I'm still not sure I approve of your training methods," she murmured, leaning on his shoulder. "This just seems a bit mean. More than a bit, really."

"I need him to be serious about taking Lance down. He'll never get that champion spot if he's pulling the laid back shit he's been doing lately. Silver's progressing faster than him lately."

Leaf nodded and sighed. "Just the same, you might want to warn Lance. I'm not entirely sure he'll survive the encounter, otherwise."

When Green's response to the suggestion was to grin dreamily, she finally gave him a whap upside the head.

"Should have figured this was just your stupid attempt at revenge," she growled, shaking her head and stomping out of the kitchen. "I won't tell him you're lying, but only because I like you better alive. You better get to cooking dinner though, before I change my mind."

Green knew better than to argue with his girlfriend, especially because he knew it was only a matter of time before he was in trouble with Red again over the whole ordeal, so he took one last appreciative glance at the bonfire Ethan was rapidly turning the training yard into and then turned to check the fridge.


End file.
